CHEETAH (1989) *1/2 It can't be easy making a dull film about a cheetah, but it turns out that it is possible. One key is to go for extended periods of time without showing the cheetah at all, and the other is obviously human casting. The children must be boring, nondescript and absolutely unsuited to their roles. Claim that they are from Pasadena and show them strolling around Kenya with their shirts tucked in, white shoes and socks, and neat shorts with a hem. Then lead them through a plot in which they disobey their parents, misrepresent their identity to their grandmother; battle Indian greyhound racing enthusiasts, tribal elders and a semi-mean looking Afrikaner; outwit the police, successfully elude snakes and other wild life, eat termites, and turn all wise. Those kids couldn't have found their way out of a subdivision, would have been lightning rods for cannibals, probably would have got entered in the dog race, and would have had their travelers checks stolen by everyone from the bus passengers to the rhinos. Cheetahs sure are graceful when they run though, aren't they?
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