DRAGON (2006) ½* I highly recommend this to any psychiatrist treating any patient for self-esteem issues. Make them watch it, as the first order of business, and then say "Look! You're smarter, better-looking and way more talented than people who make movies!" The acting is abysmal, abhorrent, terrible to infinity; and yet perfectly matched by the plot, pacing, accents, original music…not the princess' make-up job, it's in a class of its own: it's even worse. I have never-in any bar, or church, or business meeting or rainstorm-witnessed such a terrible make-up job in my life. This film represents an ignominious defeat on the face of all mankind: never, never will any alien life form be able to take us seriously as a creative species. I admit to having very limited patience for Dungeons & Dragons themes, generally, but these guys don't even clank each other on metal helmets with big swords (I like it when they do that), the witch sits around in the forest subjecting everyone to endless speeches of stupefying drivel, and the dragon never gratuitously devours anyone's entrails in the grotesque manner that they all so clearly deserve. The dragon looks kind of cool but it's the dumbest dragon I've ever seen: it makes its "lair" in a clearing, sleeps through everything, and when it finally battles it pretty much forgets that it's able to breathe fire. A legitimate nominee for Worst Film Ever Made, but one that made me laugh more (none intended) than the rest.
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