METEOR APOCALYPSE (2010) * This is such a stupid movie. Terrible by any sensible standard. Joe Lando, who is deployed in a role they must have imagined as "the hero," just basically sits down and takes naps all the time in between making ridiculous efforts and decisions, after we nuked an asteroid and so all these meteorites are falling to earth and a comet's coming at the same time, and everyone's sick, and FEMA ran off with his family. Then when there's finally a point where it makes sense for him to get some sleep, he stays awake. This is-I must say-clearly an unintentional subtext to the film, but it is the only interesting one. Every other move he makes is stupid. Also stupid. The plot's stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I mean, I know we all already knew that Jane Seymour was the brains to "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman," but I've never seen Lando so confused, even when there were bad Indians. Dr. Quinn, man, she would have just stormed in there and straightened the government out, and healed the sick people, and hot-wired a Porsche (or horse) so they could get out of the way of the comet and...and...it says something about the quality of a film when it is so low that its redemption is only but already clear through the unlikely appearance of the lead from an entertaining enough tv show that wasn't really good. And then Jessica Fletcher could show up and they could...you know, like Batman and Superman...run around saving everyone. That would have been rad. This is stupid, had I mentioned that?
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