GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES (1953) 1/2* I know that you've been taught that she's the greatest sex symbol in the history of mankind, but...butt...Marilyn Monroe had an enormous ass. I mean, honestly, it's preemptively huge. Here she's paired with Jane Russell, who has the same problem but even worse. There's a full length shot of them where their asses fill up the entire horizontal bandwidth of the screen and their shoulders maybe 30%. But there have been plenty of excellent movies filled with the big asses of actresses, they aren't the problem. The problem is that the movie sucks. They kindly removed some of the Broadway song & dance numbers, but should have taken them all, along with the dialogue. Ok, Jane and Marilyn each have a decent line or two, delivered well, but the film's just irredeemable. And not because they drug some jackass and take off his pants. If anything he deserved to be drugged and thrown overboard. Every character in the film is too stupid to waste three minutes drinking a beer with, even if they were buying. Their escapades are the dullest sort, other than getting onto a cruise ship. There's some kind of poetic justice that it all climaxes with a floozy singing an abominable song in a French court, but it's just not worth thinking about. There's not a gentleman in the entire flick, nor a blonde. Damn, those people were desperate for Elvis!
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