GIRL WITH A PEARL EARRING (2003) *1/2 Great costumes and sets, but not much for those of us who want more action than house chores and mixing paint. The idea of telling (or making up, whatever) a story of a Vermeer painting isn't bad in theory, but in this case mere violence, adultery, and economic hegemony with sexual overtones doesn't really do it. Partly, I guess, because it's overtly geared towards children, and partly because they just ain't gonna do it anyway. Colin Firth has some impressive (not inspired) moments as the Dutch Master, but there's not really much else going on that suggests that anything but the scenery has changed much. Which probably isn't, or at least shouldn't be, the point. I've never met a Dutch woman as vacant and bitchy as Mrs. Vermeer or her mother, but there are probably cases running around in places that I wouldn't bother showing my face. The only remaining question is whether that patron asshole is dumber than the local arts council and he probably isn't, dumber anyway, and the asshole thing will vary in accordance with local conditions.
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