MYSTERY, ALASKA (1999) *1/2 Hardline Judge Burt Reynolds is suddenly made coach, against his objective wishes, of an informal pond hockey team a few days before they're to play the New York Rangers. How does he use that valuable time? Fundamentals, skating back and forth across the ice, learning to change direction. The film follows its cue. There's nothing in this script that doesn't fit neatly into the most overused Hollywood formula, 30 minutes into the film there's nothing that it could do that would be surprising. We get a sex scene, with bras on to retain a good taste rating or whatever, every twenty minutes or so to keep the audience awake. It doesn't work but neither do the standard adultress because her husband won't touch her, son of a too-demanding father, aging athlete being shoved off the team by the young phenom, or shooting Wal-Mart representatives in the foot sub-plots. Actually the Wal-Mart thing does work a little, but even there the producers wimp out and call the chain something else. It's funny how part of the formula is now to pay lip service to mocking large corporate aesthetics and ethics, then putting the stamp on the box and sending them off through the regular channels so that the cash will come back into the standard coffers. The fundamentals only need be learned once and refreshed occasionally, they aren't the point.
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