NINE MONTHS (1995) * Obviously there's something seriously wrong with a film when Tom Arnold is one of the two best things in it. It doesn't help that the best thing in this one is a giant preying mantis that appears for only fifteen seconds, though it does use its time wisely in beating up Hugh Grant. Regretfully it doesn't eat him, as was broadly hinted earlier, and it's likely that he's as chagrined as the rest of us. So he's stuck in the film having a baby with Julianne Moore, an imbecilic yuppie bitch so inconsequential as to have the initial reaction to pregnancy that now he has to sell his Porsche and get rid of his 16 year old cat because it might kill the baby. There's a thankfully undeveloped subtext that perhaps she tricked him into having the child, when all you have to do is look at the guy and realize that he could have easily been bullied or ordered. Robin Williams and Jeff Goldblum provide internationist comic relief and California texture respectively but they don't kill Grant either, which is a sadly expected disappointment. The good part is that it isn't filmed in real time, so rather than nine months it only takes 90 minutes, several of which can be taken with going out for popcorn. Chris Columbus is not a genius.
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