THE 5,000 FINGERS OF DR. T. (1953) *1/2 In which Dr. Seuss, and others, postulate that there might be an atomic solution to fascistic piano teachers. The sets are incredible, appropriate, but unfortunately most of the film's creativity, as a film, is blown in the first five minutes. Dr. Seuss can't be blamed for that-and he must be applauded for the other-worldly aspects of the dreamtime-but he has to share the blame for writing some of the dumbest lyrics written in a period to forever be remembered for dumb musicals with dumb lyrics. I mean, what the hell was wrong with him? Why didn't he write them in Seuss meter, for jaunty accompaniment by an indeterminable combination of zithers and kazoos? Instead there's this faux Hollywood schlock, and it just keeps going off and won't stop. The plot's lean, but the main problem is that nothing is done to bring out the genius of Seuss. Instead the entire thing is like an organ transplant between highly diverse and entirely incompatible beings. Now if they would have had Bela Lugosi in the Terwilliker role and maybe, you know, Jayne Mansfield or Marlene Dietrich or Maria Callas as the mom; Brando or Charles Bronson or Laurence Olivier as the plumber, and more action and less singing...Seuss rappin' instead of talkin'...
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