LADYHAWKE (1985) * Ok, who's up for a long chickflick written at a 5-year old level, where people turn into animals at night and stuff, featuring some of the most gluttonously horrid dialogues in cinematic history, and accompanied by an incessant electronic soundtrack (even though it's all supposed to be going down in the medieval days)? Yeah, that's what I thought, so just laugh at me for having sat all the way through it. I'm sure that there are people somewhere who think that this is the greatest thing in the world, but I have no idea why. I don't know what actors could have injected meaning into these lines, but the answer isn't Michelle Pfeiffer and Rutger Hauer. Actually, I suspect that the whole thing is a lie, and that the real reason they turned into animals is so that they wouldn't have to hang out with each other. Matthew Broderick is capable of being just horrible, and I don't know if he could have ever been more awful than he is here. Alan Parsons' sound track isn't entirely horrible-even though I have a knee jerk prejudice against layered and electronic keyboards-and it's possible that some portions of it could be put to somewhat effective use in an entirely different film. Medieval knights and synthesizers? And not even as a joke? What the hell could they have possibly been thinking.
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