THE MOON-SPINNERS (1964) * Hayley Mills makes such an awkward transition into young womanhood that you could easily pass her off as a particularly ineffectual B-horror actress. Does the screeching ever stop? And then there's this lady who's supposed to be glamorous on a yacht, and she's obviously a cross-dresser from 53rd & 3rd with below-average make-up application skills. The extent to which such a thing can be saved (the film, not the character) is a subjective matter, and I admit to enjoying the Cretan ruins and seascapes. The best way to enjoy this film is probably by doing something else, but if that's not an option you could always just turn down the sound and make up your own plot. It can't be any dumber than the one they try and foist on you, anyway. How about Hayley is a lobotomy out-patient in search of a jackhammer to remove her pancake makeup. Taking the wrong bus, she finds herself in what appears to be...ok, that's all I'm giving you. You take it from there.
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